a poem for a thread

[jeffblackman]

had i not had an exam the next day i'd'a read this perhaps at avantgarde.

A mess of a poem for a pretty girl playing guitar on stage for the first time ever

You look pretty good playing guitar.
I honestly cannot recall the chords
or tune or words particular
or even your name
but this sight of you
is nervous-wild smoke sitting on a bar stool

Your breasts up against the body of your guitar
a braid cast over your shoulder like a strap

You look like every nice Jewish girl next door
I tried to take home

and I cannot remember a word of it [your song]
but when you play
you keep your eyes down
your lyrics rested on your thigh
and they fall like breaths of smoke
down with each downstroke
you strum the guitar
your fingers wrap the neck
fingering chords
the rest of you is nervous smoke
those fingers are gas blue flame
threatening to burn this whole joint down.

if anyone is out there, respond and comment and critique and such -- it'd be something if this site actually came alive over the summer

[David Emery]

Wicked poem Jeff. Wish you could have been there.

I'd love to see the forum come to life. I think the format needs to be changed somewhat. In any event, I'm sick of deleting spam posts from the General board, so the board will be overhauled either way.

[theundergrad]

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. I have one problem and it drills my mind all the time. It was sparked again by "University." "How rich we are, how white we are." Im white, my dads rich, im a waste, but if i sit and write about it nothings ever gonna change. this forum won't come alive if writing is dead, and perhaps it is. Example: did you just write about the girl or did you go talk to her? Writers are cowardly little procrastinators! (i write too much)

[the gibbonator]

this one's for jeff
oh crap. that sounds gay. this one is for a girl whom i like but havent asked out yet. and it sounds a lot like a poem jeff would write.
QUESTION-- do you have to be in love to write love poetry?


My First Love Poem

Long red hair
Flicker flair and lives
Could get lost in
That look in your
Eyes,
Green-eyed beautiful
Girl lost and
Living out her life
Wrapped around
My comforter.
I don’t care if
You take the blankets up
Cold feet tingle
Warm legs up and down
Shivers tickles giggles
Smooth neck nuzzle
Hold on close arms
Wrapped tight
Like love knows better
Than us two
Together.

[Amanda]

Beautiful poems friends...

[Jeff]

it says this thread has been read 163 times. i know at least 20 are me but holy jeez.

i don't think you need to be in love to write poems like this. you just have to care a lot about someone and have them stuck in your head like a piece of food between your molars -- and i mean that in the most kind way.

I might change it to "hold-on-close arms" as I got the idea after a couple re-reads that "hold-on-close" is a sort of adjective for th kind of arms which are wrapped tight. at least that's how i read it. and i really like the idea of "hold-on-close" being an adjective. otherwise, i told you i liked this poem before, pete.

Amanda, thanks but, c'mon! send me some poetry! the emo v goth kids one and the pragmatic lover one!

and other undergrad whoever. you are absolutely a jerk and absolutely right.

[theundergrad]

Thanks Jeff. Its true i am a jerk, but I don't mean to downplay your poem. I do the same malicious critique of all my own writing, and my own life. To be honest, I hope writing is not dead, because I enjoy it. Maybe this forum will get more popular. Gibbon has been putting his writting into action with In/Words and his new Shelter. We need more of it.